Shoes or No Shoes: Dyslexia and Dyspraxia and the Energy of Performing

Shoes on a car dashboard overlooking the ocean

I am presenting at the British Dyslexia Association International Conference 2014 on Thursday, 26 March.

shoes-or-no-shoes-the-effort-and-energy-of-performing-everyday-tasks

I’m also presenting a poster at the Thursday evening session, which includes interactive elements that allow delegates to Skype with students who use Diverse Learners.

On the eve of the conference, I have some concerns about whether the venue Wi-Fi will support calls, and earlier in the week, I had a little wobble about the presentation.

However, as a person who has Dyspraxia and Sensory Processing Disorder, it is the logistics of getting to the venue, navigating around the venue, and concerns about fatigue from such long days that occupy my thoughts.

Guildford is not an easy place to get to if you live on the east coast of Yorkshire. Once in London, navigating changes on the underground and trains to get to Guildford whilst lugging a case and holding a poster that is 1 metre long is filling me with anxiety. Add in lack of spatial awareness, orientation issues, difficulties with depth perception, sensory sensitivity issues, I might as well apologise in advance for thwacking somebody with my poster, running over their toes with my case or causing chaos when trying to get into the train or leap off the escalator.

A stick figure tripping on a flat surface that reads: “It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.”

It’s the everyday tasks that others don’t think about or take for granted that significantly impact my life and those of my daughter and of the students with dyspraxia I support – we even vlog about it on YouTube.

The effect of the effort and energy of performing everyday tasks for someone who has dyspraxia, I believe, is still vastly underestimated and not well understood, perhaps even sneered at.

I know I will be exhausted by the long days and will endeavour to have my regular afternoon nap, but I still ponder whether I will spill food down myself at the gala evening – well, more than usual due to fatigue.

Tiredness really impairs my ability to function, and this in turn disrupts the coping strategies I employ for every little task to minimise the effects of dyspraxia.

My daughter and I are often questioned about our difficulties in meeting expected performance levels. How can such an otherwise capable person:

– get in a flap about finding something in their bag

– be anxious about going somewhere alone

– not get homework in on time

– take so long to …

and demonstrates a lack of understanding.

The thing that is causing me the biggest concern and pressing on my mind at the moment is what shoes to wear when I present, or whether to wear shoes at all. This may seem like an insignificant factor for many, or even be perceived as vanity.

However, as I have dyspraxia, shoes have a direct impact on my life, not just because of the challenge of tying shoelaces. Standing in small heels trying to look elegant is not something that comes naturally to me. Standing up straight and not fidgeting is something that doesn’t come naturally to me, and wearing some shoes only adds to the quandary.

Fatigue levels mean the chances of me falling over, tripping over my feet, and generally stumbling about are higher than usual. The fear of falling over, and the additional concentration and energy required to combat it, then affects my confidence in moving about.

A quote that reads "Don’t worry about walking a mile in my shoes, just try a day thinking in my head".

I become overconcerned because I am unfamiliar with my surroundings, so I start overemphasising my movements, almost goose-stepping up and down stairs, holding on to the bannister until my knuckles go white. I scour the floor for those hidden mini-steps that seemingly jump out from nowhere.

Wearing certain shoes, I feel more likely to fall, stumble, or trip, and it can seem to observers like a self-fulfilling prophecy, though I am often fine … at the cost of a lot of energy and a constant internal dialogue that drains me.

I am looking forward to the conference immensely, and if you see me without my shoes on, I hope you’ll have insight into the reason why.